Metro Manila Commute Horror & Humor
There are so many ways to get a ride in Metro Manila. It's like a buffet but a wrong choice will give you heartburn.
Metro Manila commuters are one of the toughest commuters in the world. They are like athletes in contact sports like basketball with its body slamming, swinging elbows and jockeying for position. To win the championship, basketball coaches should include commuting in their training program.
Commuters get their daily physical work-out riding in buses, light rail transits and running after jeepneys. They belong to the biggest gym club membership around and its free. They just have to pay the miscellaneous fee - the fare.
Because of the long hours in commuting to work and back, commuters lack sleep. They make the transport that they get into their second bed. They sleep better because they won't be late.
Imprisoned felons feel happy when the judge commute their sentence. Commute feels like a sentence to commuters.
LRT and MRT commuters standing near train doors become tsunami survivors.
Let's start with the tricycle. It gets you in and out of your neighborhood to the main road. It's a motorcycle attached with a roofed sidecar. The sidecar is so small that the human fetus is better off than a tricycle passenger.
Advanced yoga will help you fit into the tricycle sidecar. But if yoga didn't help, a chiropractor is the next best option. If things didn't go well when you struggled to get inside and outside the sidecar, there's a hospital in Banawe but you'll have to stay for a week.
The ubiquitous jeepney is another way to get around the metro. It originated from World War II American jeeps. That is why Filipino drivers drive like soldiers in the battlefield dodging bullets and bombs.
They're also experts in dodging cops, MMDA and LTO enforcers whom they describe as "enemies." They're like guerrillas tipping each other off when there are enemies lurking in the next turn. When you see passengers walking home, you can guess who was caught by the enemy.
Jeepney drivers have their own Waze version but it is not an app. They get traffic info from fellow drivers going the other way. When they get heavy traffic tip from fellow drivers, they don't recalculate a better route instead they cut their trip and return fares to passengers.
Seat belts in jeepneys offers you a way out of commuting - permanently.
Riding a jeepney is still the best way to get around the metro, but riding it in the metropolis is like being in purgatory, the midway between heaven and hell.
The octopus is a marvelous creature with eight hands to catch prey and swim. It can easily slide in tight spaces. You can spot one inside a bus collecting fares and sliding between passengers filled to full capacity.
Riding a bus during peak hours is like ordering unli-rice at Mang Inasal, passengers like rice keeps coming.
The most luxurious and comfortable bus in the Metro are the P2P buses. But your money won't last until next pay day, because their point of destinations and arrivals are situated in malls.
Public utility vans are air-conditioned sardine vans that induces paralysis especially if your seatmates are big. The paralysis wear off if you manage to get out of the van.
Jeepney, taxi and bus drivers drive like crazy weaving in and out of lanes. Government should field psychiatrists instead of traffic enforcers.
The Grab ride hailing app with the surge pricing mechanism is a legal way to ask for higher fare. Taxi drivers have their own surge pricing. They turn off the meter and start negotiating.
MRT and LRT are mass transit and mass torture during rush hour. If it breaks down during peak hours you'll get to relax because the torture is over but unfortunately you'll proceed to your next torture session - riding a bus.
It is hard to distinguish public displays of affections inside light rail trains, because people are that super close to each other.
There are happy moments when getting inside Light Rail Trains on first stop. It is like the parlor game "Trip to Jerusalem." The lucky ones who gets a seat are all smiles. Those who didn't get a seat are the losers.
Fights usually break out in light rail trains. Passengers like the drama and would like to bet. But be careful not to get into a fight because it might be filmed on phone video that goes viral. But if it is unavoidable, use Filipino and not English while arguing or you might be bashed online not because of the fight but because of grammar.
Long before the idea of ride hailing apps, barkers and ushers of public transportation were the and human version of ride hailing app. You just look at them and not your phone screens to show you the way.
Drivers of ride hailing apps like Grab are rated by riders using the 1 to 5 stars rating for the quality of service given. For jeepney, taxi and bus drivers, they are rated by curses not by stars.
The only ones that are happy with the sad state of public transport in the metro are the pick-pockets and slash artists. They actually dress like office workers and their salaries come from salaries of commuters.
Recently there have been a debate on transport crisis in the metro which have varied definitions and interpretations. The best definition is similar to midlife crisis. It gives you that feeling that you have wasted your life because of the hours spent commuting.
Metro Manila commuters are one of the toughest commuters in the world. They are like athletes in contact sports like basketball with its body slamming, swinging elbows and jockeying for position. To win the championship, basketball coaches should include commuting in their training program.
Commuters get their daily physical work-out riding in buses, light rail transits and running after jeepneys. They belong to the biggest gym club membership around and its free. They just have to pay the miscellaneous fee - the fare.
Because of the long hours in commuting to work and back, commuters lack sleep. They make the transport that they get into their second bed. They sleep better because they won't be late.
Imprisoned felons feel happy when the judge commute their sentence. Commute feels like a sentence to commuters.
LRT and MRT commuters standing near train doors become tsunami survivors.
Let's start with the tricycle. It gets you in and out of your neighborhood to the main road. It's a motorcycle attached with a roofed sidecar. The sidecar is so small that the human fetus is better off than a tricycle passenger.
Advanced yoga will help you fit into the tricycle sidecar. But if yoga didn't help, a chiropractor is the next best option. If things didn't go well when you struggled to get inside and outside the sidecar, there's a hospital in Banawe but you'll have to stay for a week.
The ubiquitous jeepney is another way to get around the metro. It originated from World War II American jeeps. That is why Filipino drivers drive like soldiers in the battlefield dodging bullets and bombs.
They're also experts in dodging cops, MMDA and LTO enforcers whom they describe as "enemies." They're like guerrillas tipping each other off when there are enemies lurking in the next turn. When you see passengers walking home, you can guess who was caught by the enemy.
Jeepney drivers have their own Waze version but it is not an app. They get traffic info from fellow drivers going the other way. When they get heavy traffic tip from fellow drivers, they don't recalculate a better route instead they cut their trip and return fares to passengers.
Seat belts in jeepneys offers you a way out of commuting - permanently.
Riding a jeepney is still the best way to get around the metro, but riding it in the metropolis is like being in purgatory, the midway between heaven and hell.
The octopus is a marvelous creature with eight hands to catch prey and swim. It can easily slide in tight spaces. You can spot one inside a bus collecting fares and sliding between passengers filled to full capacity.
Riding a bus during peak hours is like ordering unli-rice at Mang Inasal, passengers like rice keeps coming.
The most luxurious and comfortable bus in the Metro are the P2P buses. But your money won't last until next pay day, because their point of destinations and arrivals are situated in malls.
Public utility vans are air-conditioned sardine vans that induces paralysis especially if your seatmates are big. The paralysis wear off if you manage to get out of the van.
Jeepney, taxi and bus drivers drive like crazy weaving in and out of lanes. Government should field psychiatrists instead of traffic enforcers.
The Grab ride hailing app with the surge pricing mechanism is a legal way to ask for higher fare. Taxi drivers have their own surge pricing. They turn off the meter and start negotiating.
MRT and LRT are mass transit and mass torture during rush hour. If it breaks down during peak hours you'll get to relax because the torture is over but unfortunately you'll proceed to your next torture session - riding a bus.
It is hard to distinguish public displays of affections inside light rail trains, because people are that super close to each other.
There are happy moments when getting inside Light Rail Trains on first stop. It is like the parlor game "Trip to Jerusalem." The lucky ones who gets a seat are all smiles. Those who didn't get a seat are the losers.
Fights usually break out in light rail trains. Passengers like the drama and would like to bet. But be careful not to get into a fight because it might be filmed on phone video that goes viral. But if it is unavoidable, use Filipino and not English while arguing or you might be bashed online not because of the fight but because of grammar.
Long before the idea of ride hailing apps, barkers and ushers of public transportation were the and human version of ride hailing app. You just look at them and not your phone screens to show you the way.
Drivers of ride hailing apps like Grab are rated by riders using the 1 to 5 stars rating for the quality of service given. For jeepney, taxi and bus drivers, they are rated by curses not by stars.
The only ones that are happy with the sad state of public transport in the metro are the pick-pockets and slash artists. They actually dress like office workers and their salaries come from salaries of commuters.
Recently there have been a debate on transport crisis in the metro which have varied definitions and interpretations. The best definition is similar to midlife crisis. It gives you that feeling that you have wasted your life because of the hours spent commuting.
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